Cool things.

I'm bored, so here is a list of things that I think in a completely random, non-topical list. Warning, there will be a lot of links, click them, they have candy.

• Alright, I don't mean to hate on anyone I know or may be friends with, but I definitely mean to hate on some people. I hate photography. I love pictures, but what I really hate is that every asshole with a nice camera thinks they're a photographer. "Here is a pretty sunset" *click*. "Here is a dog and I shot it diagonally!) *click* "Here is an up close picture of a flower" *click* Dude, you aren't a photographer. You are a button clicker. You aren't artsy. You have a nice camera. That being said, if you are a good photographer, you are awesome. This is awesome. This person is an artist. This graph is awesome.
  
• Sorry guys, but you know this is true. Annddddddd, now I stop talking about gender on a public forum before I say anything on the record that will be held against me at a later date.
• Beer is obviously awesome, but innovation is even awesomer.
• Pranks are awesome.
• Kickers. Well, specifically Chris Kluwe, who is my hero. The dude is a bonafide nerd making millions to kick a football. For example, this Twitter is @chriswarcraft. He plays Warcraft. He reads crime novels. He punts a football. He roasts internet douche bags. I want to be this man. In fact, this is his most recent tweet "I give Cowboys vs. Aliens 5 totally random hummingbirds out of 10 offensively racist Harrison Fords. #iwillnevergetthosetwohoursback"
• I'm not sure if I have posted this before, but this is really, really funny.
• I like cats. Some people don't. Some people feel like they need to hate on cats in order to show how much they love dogs. But I like both cats and dogs. I especially like long cats. The longer the cat the better. Needless to say, I like this cat (you might need to click on it to zoom).
• But coolest of all are people who follow my blog! /end shameless plug
  

Random observations from a wild weekend

A weekend in Minneapolis with Coby Rowley and Ryan Schmidtman, you can't not have fun (well, unless Ryan flakes last minute, but luckily he didn't this time around). I would give a play-by-play of what happened, but if I were the reader, I would find that incredibly droll, so I'm just gonna write up some random observations from the weekend.

• What's better than 3rd row Twins tickets behind home plate? Free 3rd row Twins tickets behind home plate.
• Maybe it's just because I'm a major sports nerd, but what is it about Twins apparel that makes a girl so much hotter? You put a Joe Mauer jersey on a girl and she is automatically a full point hotter. Yeah, low cut shirts and tanks are attractive, they show more skin. But give a girl a Kubel jersey shirt and a pair of shorts and she is instantly more attractive. And then you add in a baseball hat and I be like DAYUM! Twins gear girls, get at it.
• Incredibly tall high heels at any time when not modeling are a no. Yes this applies to situations such as walking alone in the mall. You'd like to think this would be obvious. You'd like to think...
• Fedoras are annoying. Just because you wear a fedora, it doesn't mean you're artsier than everyone.
• I'm not a U2 fan, but sitting outside of TCF Bank Stadium during his concert, with a torrent of rain starting in the middle of "Beautiful Day" was one of the coolest musical experiences of my life.
• Striped v-neck t-shirts shouldn't be worn by anyone who doesn't sail a ship for a living.
• Nike is the coolest brand eva.
• I may have only watched like six episodes, but Entourage is awesome. I have been converted.
• I hate casinos.
• I saw a beautiful woman at MOA, but she was with the most jacked black guy I have ever seen, which quickly reverted my wandering eyes back to the road ahead. Was that racist of me? Nope, staying alive > beautiful women.
  
• Lastly, I'm gonna go with something obvious, but if you know Coby, he DEFINITELY spits the most game. No doubt.

DISCLAIMER: Take all fashion tips with a grain of salt, as I know dick about fashion.

rantrantrant

I was gonna write a "pet peeves" type thingy here, but I decided that would be really lame. What's more boring than reading a list of complaints that some random dude on the internet has? Cool bro, no one cares. So instead of that, I'm going to focus on one thing that annoys me, and that is complainers. More specifically, people when people start conversations just so they can complain. I understand the reason behind it, everyone likes when people give them attention and feel some pity for them, whether or not the ego allows them to admit it. Sometimes people need to vent, and that's alright. But when you go out and fish for pity and attention, you are just being annoying and it makes any real pity hard to muster when you are too busy thinking to yourself, "Just shut up, no one cares about your problems." But the absolute worst part is when I do it, because I am guilty. In fact I caught myself doing it twice in a short span today. Both of them were via text message, which possibly makes them worse. If I were on the other end of those conversations, I would have thought "It would be difficult for this guy to be any whinier", so I really can't blame them for any negative cognitions. (Not sure why spell check says that's not a word...) So if those friends of mine are reading this, please accept my whole-hearted apology, as I am always on the path of self-betterment, this is a focal point of my improvement. And to those who do this all the time, stop, because you're annoying.

No worries readers, the irony/hypocrisy of me complaining about complainers like me is not lost upon me.



iTunes update: 2322 songs. I've gotten to the stage where I want to start remaking my playlists, but I don't have enough music to make any ones with any real substance. I have four 10 song playlists. It's really depressing.

TUNES!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCPkgAIANys

While this guy may have an awful stage name (really, the Weeknd? That's the best you could come up with?), he's makes some smooooooth music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKx6CvLKKRA&feature=fvst

This is what happens when I stay up late watching educational television

So I was talking to one of the three people who actually read my blog tonight and they were wondering why I don't update my blog as much anymore. My initial reaction was that I just haven't really been inspired lately, and from inspiration I derive my motivation. It was a seemingly legit excuse, I mean you can't write if you don't have anything to write about, right? I mean, I have essentially done that for my last few posts, but you get the point. So I kind of put that conversation behind me and went back to the national young male adult past time - bullshitting for countless hours on the internet. I got bored of this a short time later and my mind drifted back to this blog and the loyal reader who asked why there isn't as much to read. As a man with an admittedly above average ego, I don't like to be wrong in any circumstance, but I do try and call myself when I'm being arrogant or ignorant to my flaws. This took some doing to realize the real reason behind my lack of posting. After some soul searching, it turns out I just got lazy. When I saw the topics of my older posts, I really didn't have much of an idea what I was going to write about when I started, I just decided that I felt like writing something, so I came up with a quick premise of something that came to mind. I did that for three weeks pretty consistently. What happened to that consistency? I dunno, I guess I just got lazy. The lack of inspiration was simply justification that my ego subconsciously came up with to defend myself. It's not because I just stopped finding inspiration, it's because I stopped trying.

So from here the question is will I get back to my consistent ways? The answer is quite anti-climatic. Nah, I probably won't. I ain't no writer, I'm a bored college kid who needed a hobby! I'll write when I god damn well please to! I don't really do that whole artificial motivation thing.

But while I'm here, I actually want to write about something.

How cool is Egypt? The place is just loaded with history. They built pyramids so awesome that they are standing millenniums later and we still don't know how they were able to build it. Why do I bring this up? To talk about mummies. I'm watching this documentary on the final secrets of King Tut, and my mind is blown. They spent a million dollars to get Tut out of his tomb and into a CAT scan that they put right outside it, hoping that it would provide evidence of how he was killed. Dude was all fudged up. He's got a coin sized hole in his head, fractures all over his body, a severely impacted wisdom tooth, and my favorite part, no rib cage or sternum. How did he die? So many possibilities! Turns out he probably just wrecked his leg in either a battle or a crash and then died from fever a few days later. It's not quite the awesome murder mystery that some people believe, but either way, it's pretty neat that they can figure out how someone died three thousand years ago with forensics.

They can use CAT scan imaging to show what he would have looked like. They gave the images to two different artists, one of which didn't even know it was King Tut, and had them reconstruct his face. I can't get over this stuff. So cool.

History is da bomb. If only the History channel still showed history shows...


TUNES!!! Today is a special day. This is a tribute to female rockers. The chicks of class rock.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7JVxE2SYxo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iP5mhBsTURo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhNrrrCCTdA

Black and Yellow

So Shaq is retired. The Big Diesel is done on the court. Yeah, it's sad and all, but there is so much potential for this guy in his post-retirement years. He is gonna join TNT in the booth, but I have bigger ideas for this bigger man. I was chillin at Jeff's last night and we were talking about this, and this is what we came up with.

Via Tweet, Shaq has thrown the Yao/Shaq vacation idea. So let's put these two giants in a car and travel them across country. Have some cameras following them. Have em pop in unexpected at random hotels, motels, campgrounds, restaurants, zoos, theaters, museums, etc. How awesome would this be? Shaq is hilarious, and Yao is a giant Chinese man which would provide it's own hilarity even if Yao isn't funny himself.

The best part is the title. It'd be called "Black & Yellow". I'm not quite sure about the PC level of this, but it's gotta happen. It's such a simple idea, but this day and age of "Ex-Wives Club", "America's Got Talent", "Happily Divorced", as well as plethora of other absolute shit, there is no way people wouldn't watch this. It wouldn't have staying power, but it would have a very successful first season, I guarantee it.

Tunes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_0Y25cXPRI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dd_W_x3nclY

Edited random thought: I've never seen a movie on TV with more bleeped out words than Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.

Another edit - It has been brought to my attention that Oprah and an alleged she-lover already came up with this idea, which instantly makes this idea suck. But "Black & Yellow" is still a funny ass name for it.

Inspired paragraph.

No one will ever have a better late night meal than the one I am currently eating. You may think you are having something great, but you're wrong. No chance is it better than this. If you think you can top a plate full of mashed potatoes, covered in a layer of corn, a pile of cut up roast beef, and SMOTHERED in gravy with a Shiner brew to wash it down, I would civilly engage you in a round of discourse, highlighting the pros and the cons of each meal, while still remaining a firm stance on the fact that my meal is better. No one will ever eat anything better than this at 3am, I'm convinced of it. I dare anyone to have a better meal at 3am. No, I double dog dare you. Come at my meal, bro.

That is all.

Where's all the Grapeade?

So amidst my night of hiding from storms and chauffeuring Tu Tran around to find an extra set of keys for her car that wasn't locked, I had a Grapeade craving. Who doesn't get those right?

I mean everyone loves Arizona's. It's not only a great value with it's unbelievable volume, but it tastes oh so good. They are all good in their own way, but I don't think any sane person would ever argue anything but Grapeade be the best flavor. And I wanted one a lot. So I went to get one.

The first gas station on highway 15 was closed. At 9:58pm. What kind of gas station is closed this early? How annoying. The second gas station was Little Dukes connected to Coborns. The grocery store didn't have it, the gas station didn't have it. They had lots of Arizonas, but there were no Grapeades.

Two more gas stations and a grocery store later, there was no Grapeades to be found.

How do four gas stations and two grocery stores not have the greatest convenience store beverage of all time? The world may never know. From now on, any place without Grapeade will not be getting my business. I'm mad bro.

At least Forrest Gump is on. You can't be crabby and watch Forrest Gump.



On a different note, I have been all over country. As a former self-admitted country hater, I feel much shame for backtracking like this. It's bruising my ego.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55GAUgjpDQA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVGw7FbohY4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx-dUsh6OT8

Ugh. I hate myself for this post. All this dissonance is making me uncomfortable.

Not to be a downer, but fireworks aren't that cool

Independence Day, it's Amurica's birthday. This year we are 235 years old. That is quite the accomplishment. A whole bunch of guys were chillin' in the Colonies 230 years ago and decided they didn't want to pay taxes anymore, so they got together and had this crazy idea that they were going to fight their way to independence. To some, it was a batshit crazy idea, and to others, it was brilliant. But without it, we wouldn't be the just, rich, economic stalwart we are today. God bless America.

But what's the buzz about fireworks?

Yeah, they shoot up high and go boom, cool. That was really awesome when I was a kid. Once in awhile you see a cool one. But what is so awesome about the exact same show every year? When is the last time they did something new? Like a billion years ago, they did those smiley face fireworks, and those were awesome. Sometimes they do janky looking hearts. But relative to the progression of technology, fireworks don't get better. I have yet to notice something much cooler from year to year. What, did they stop funding the Research & Development department of the Indian fireworks sweatshops? Next year better impress me, because I am not entertained.

It isn't even just the fireworks show that I'm not a fan of. I don't even really like having personal fireworks. Bottle rockets are fun for like five minutes. Firecrackers are quite annoying and don't do anything cool. In order to get something cool, you gotta spend some serious money, and to me, forty bucks to buy a roman candle shoot fireballs for 30 seconds isn't my idea of fun. Maybe it's my lack of the pyro-gene. Maybe it's just that I'm a frugal son of a bitch. Either way, I'm just not a firework guy.

I digress...

So, about the part of the 4th I actually do really love. The weekend of the 4th! Wanna know why? There's two reasons: being on a lake and your elders getting drunk.

My original plan for the weekend only included one of those, but I ended up satisfying both of my criteria.

My trip to GAC this weekend went seemingly array. A massive storm that put a 100ft pine tree within 10ft of my house managed to put a tree on our gracious hosts' house. Given this series of unfortunate events, our host decided to spend the weekend at home to remove a tree from her house. We can only hope all is well.

But a storm wasn't getting in the way of having an awesome weekend. We just changed our destination from St. Peter to Spicer, where the Meder family made promises of plenty of free cold beer. Those three words are all I needed to hear. Consider me convinced.

Two days later, we are all exhausted and hung over. We done well. While I would normally write a detailed summary of the weekend activities, I think a brief synopsis will be better.

Saturday: drank beer and sat on the lake.
Sunday: drank beer and sat on the lake.

You can fill in the gaps with imagination.

In conclusion, I had an awesome weekend, and I hope you all did too. Happy birthday, America.

Oh, and I'm watching "My Wife and Kids". Am I a bad person because I am really enjoying this show? My initial answer is yes, but I'm gonna sleep on it.


Tunes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLmTJpnqxj4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6IctuA69Q4